James Potter's Hate List
by Harrypotterlover56
Summary: Whatever Lily is saying is a lie! I am not jealous that Scorpius and Rose wrote a hate list. I wrote this list because I really thought the need to let out my feelings. Lily is lying to you! Sequel to Rose and Scorpius' hate list.
1. Ron Weasley

I do not own anything!

RW: Rose; DM: Draco; HP: Harry

HW: Hugo; SM: Scorpius; GW: Ginny

LP: Lily; JP: James; TL: Teddy

**

* * *

**

**RW: **I HATE MY FATHER!!!!

**JP: **I know I hate him right now too. I mean I did not spend half of my years at Hogwarts setting up a betting pool to when you and Scorpius get together to here your father say that you were not allowed to date Scorpius! This is bullshit!

**GW: **James watch your language! We do not want people thinking out family swears a lot.

**HP: **Yeah James stop the fu—

**GW**: That means you too Harry! I will not have you setting a horrible example to our children. By the way I do believe that Ron is being an a'hole.

**JP:** Oh so you are a allowed to say a'hole but I am not allowed to say BS.

**GW**: Thank you for using BS instead of the real word. Anyway I do not think you guys should be too hard on Ron.

**RW:** What are you talking about? My father is lucky I haven't moved out. He has no say on who I date. The Malfoys took the news well.

**JP**: A little to well if you ask me. Anyway I better clue Teddy in what happed since he wasn't here. Say hi to the list Teddy!

**TL**: Hi list. Does anyone else feel stupid? I mean we are all next to each other writing on a piece of paper.

**JP**: Nope and I shall tell the story since this is my list. Anyway it Albus invited Scorpius and his parents to come to dinner at my house. My mom also invited Uncle Ron and Aunt Hermione because Rose told them that she wanted to tell her parents with Scorpius there.

**DM**: Can we get to the point. I took a video of Weasel I mean Ron's reaction.

**HW**: You did? Nice.

**JP**: Anyway we were all eating dinner when Rose said she had an announcement to make. She stood up and told everyone she was dating Scorpius. Seeing as most of the people already knew about most of us put on faces of surprise shock. The thing that actually made most of the people who already knew about them dating was the way Mr. Malfoy reacted.

**DM:** It is Draco. Mr. Malfoy makes me feel old.

**JP**: Anyway Draco jumped out of his seat; ran to Ron and hugged him saying. 'I can't wait till were in-laws!'

**RW**: I believe my fathers face turned to a brand new color of purple. I mean I did not even know that shade of purple existed. The only thing that has me curious is the fact that Mr…Draco's reaction. It was like he already knew.

**DM**: That is because I did and I have been planning to do that for months.

**RW**: What?

**DM**: Oops. Sorry son.

**RW**: I thought we were going to tell are parents together.

**SM:** We were but my parents were in on James' bet so they already knew.

**DM**: Yep I won 50 galleons.

**JP**: I won a lot of money too.

**GW**: What? You made a bet?! How much money did you make?!

**JP**: Not that much.

**GW**: How much?!

**JP**: 1000 galleons

**GP**: James!

**JP:** Did I say 1000? I meant 10. Yep I only won 10 galleons in the betting pool.

**GP**: James!

**HP**: Oh look at the time. Come on Ginny American Idol is on.

**GP:** Really? Lets go!

**DM**: American Idol? Isn't that show for Americans?

**JP**: Yep.

**DM:** Then why are your parents watching it? We are in England.

**LP**: they probably Floo over to our house in America.

**SM:** Hey dad I am ready to go.

**DM**: Where have you been?

**SM:** I was just being threatened by Ron and most of Rose's Uncles and Aunts. George seemed to like me though.

**DM:** Okay. Bye everyone. Oh and Rose I can't wait till yours and Scorpius wedding. And if I may recommend a honeymoon in Alaska in the summer is awesome.

**JP:** Aw look. Rose and Scorpius are blushing. It is just too cute. Bye guys! I wonder what Albus is doing. Oh look at the time. I have to call Alice.


	2. Poems and Worms

AL: Is Alice Longbottom. (James' Girlfriend)

* * *

JP: Guys I have a random question.

AP: What is it?

JP: If you were a worm how long would you want to be?

LP: Wow that is a random question.

AP: I would want to be about 5-7 inches.

JP: Why?

AP: I do not know. But I think it would be pretty cool to be a 5 to 7 inch worm.

LP: I think we should see how long Teddy would want to be.

TL: How long I would want to be what?

JP: I will ask the question again. If you were a worm how long would you want to be?

TL: I would want to be about 20 feet.

JP: Why would you want to be that long?

TL: I would like to see people's reactions to a 20 foot worm. Worms are only like 3-5 inches. Although I did once see a worm that looked to be about 6 once, I was walking down the street in the rain.

LP: Why were you walking down the street in the rain in the first place?

TL: I happen to really like walking in the rain.

AP: Sure you do.

TL: I came up here to tell you guys something but now I forgot what I was suppose to tell you. It probably wasn't that important anyway.

LP: It probably was important but who cares.

JP: So how is being engaged?

TL: It is…how do I explain this? Awesome yet depressing. I mean once I get married to Victoire I am not a free man anymore yet I will be with the one I love.

JP: Aw that is so cute, I want to puke.

AP: Hey that rhymes. Puke and cute. Ha.

LP: Albus it is not that funny.

AP: No I mean James wrote a poem.

JP: No I didn't.

AP: Yes you did look.

That is so cute,

I want to puke.

TL: That can't be a poem. It is a sentence.

AP: It is too a poem.

JP: Wow I am so awesome I can write a poem without knowing I am writing a poem. Chuck Norris can't even do that.

AP: Who is Chuck Norris?

TL: Actually James Chuck Norris can do that. For Chuck Norris can do anything.

AP: Seriously who is this Chuck guy?

LP: I doubt Chuck Norris can do everything. Kids just make up things he can do. Here is one. Chuck Norris can believe it is not butter.

JP: Oh that one was nice!

TL: Are you talking about that stupid annoying 'I can't believe it's not butter, butter' commercial?

LP: Yep.

AP: Guys who is Chuck…oh whatever. You guys aren't listing to me anyway.

JP: You finally caught on now Al?

AP: Well sorry if I am a little slow.

TL: It is alright Albus.

AL: Hey James!

JP: ALICE! What are you doing hear? I thought you were still in America.

TL: Now I remember what I was supposed to tell you. James Alice is coming home early because she didn't want to miss your birthday. Oh and Happy Birthday.

JP: My birthday was last month.

TL: It was? Wow I have got to get out of my house more often.

LP: I think Teddy needs to see a doctor.

AL: A mind doctor.

JP: Anyway Alice it is nice to see you. I like what you have done with your hair.

AL: Aw thanks.

AP: PLEASE STOP! MY EYES!

LP: Lay off of them Albus. They are just kissing.

TL: Yeah you should be lucky. It is not like they are using tongue.

TL: Woops spoke to soon.

AP: MY EYES!


	3. Affairs with Draco Malfoy

I do not own anything! Sorry for the late update! School and real life kicked in and I did not have the time to write this chapter.

* * *

JP: Guys when are you going back to Hogwarts?

AP: Tomorrow. Why?

JP: Just wondering.

LP: Sure you were. What do you have planned James?

JP: Me plan anything? Never.

LP: James!

JP: You know Lily with that glare you are going to end up just like mother.

LP: Oh no!

GW: Hey what is wrong with being like me?

LP: I do not want to dream about being with a celebrity and end up being in love with him when there is a high chance that he won't eve like me! I mean there was a high average that dad could have married somebody else. I mean he did spend months in a tent with Aunt Hermione.

GW: What are you suggesting?

LP: Nothing. Nothing at all.

GP: Lily!

LP: Wow James you are right. My glare is like moms. 'Starts to cry'

JP: Look what you have done mother! Lily do not cry! Your awesome brother is here!

AP: You mean second awesome brother.

JP: Albus, Teddy is awesome but I am more awesome then he is.

AP: I was talking about me! Your real brother!

JP: Albus, Albus, Albus. I think of you more as a sister.

AP: I am a boy!

GW: Such a shame too. I only wanted two children. A boy and a girl but I had to have two boys and one brat –I mean girl.

HP: Yes well I wanted 6 children.

GW: 6 children are you nuts!?!

HP: I wanted a pair of identical twin girls, a pair of identical twin boys and a pair of fraternal twins.

GW: Let me get this straight. You wanted me to go through 3 different pregnancies, which are 9 months each, carry twins in all 3 pregnancies, and then go through countless hours of labor for you to have exactly what you wanted.

HP: Yep pretty much.

JP: Do you think they would notice if we snuck downstairs to get ice cream?

GW: Harry James Potter! We talked about this before we had James. Remember. I told you that no way in hell would I carry that many children. I want to actually work and not be a stay at home mom.

HP: Oh and what work could you do? The only job you ever had was being a Quidditch player.

LP: I do not think they would notice.

GW: Then I will just go back and play Quidditch. And maybe this time I will tryout for a boy team.

HP: Yeah so when you go to parties after the games you can hang out with them and start an affair while I take care of the kids.

GW: Like you could take care of kids. You have no experience.

HP: I would if you would let me babysit once in a while. You know I do not like going to ministry parties. All the girls keep trying to get me to leave you for them and all the guys keep checking you out and asking you to dance. And you accept!

GW: There is nothing wrong with dancing with other guys at a ministry party.

HP: There is when you are dancing with Draco Malfoy!

GW: That was one time and he needed to ask me a question!

HP: And what was the question?

GW: I do not remember.

HP: Yes you do! I bet you write what he told you in your pink diary that you have! What are you having an affair with him too?

AP: What did we miss?

JP: Whoa. Dad thinks mom is having an affair and mom is trying to tell him he isn't. But Dad is acting all dramatic and won't listen to mom.

GW: I am not having an affair with Draco Malfoy.

DM: I second that.

JP: When did you get here?

DM: I had to drop of Scorpius. Your parents said that they would take him to Kings Cross for me.

HP: Sure you aren't! I bet you are just waiting to get into bed with him!

DM: Excuse me! I would never get into bed with a Weasley! No offence guys.

JP: None taken.

GW: I would never get in bed with a Ferret!

DM: I am not a ferret!

HP: Oh yeah act all cute and innocent! Well you can find someplace else to sleep tonight!

GW: You can not kick me out it is my house!

HP: The house is in my name. Just go stay at Ron's and Hermione's why I try to forget about your affair with Malfoy and maybe I might let you come home.

GW: For the last freaking time I am not having an affair with Malfoy! It was one ministry dance!

HP: Yeah sure. Just go why I try to fix my broken heart!

SM: Wow your parents are really entertaining.

AP: I know.

DM: I see you at Christmas Scorpius. Have fun and try not to do anything stupid.

SM: Me do something stupid? Never.

HP: Well if you are not having an affair with Malfoy then who are you having an affair with? Oh my god my wife is cheating on me with Dean Thomas! I always new you weren't over him!

JP: WILL YOU TOO SHUT UP! Nobody is having an affair! So shut up!

AP: Way to ruin the excitement for today.

JP: Now say you are sorry to each other!

GW: No! Not until he admits that I was right and that I was not having an affair!

HP: No not until she admits that I was right! I always wondered why Lily didn't look like me!

GW: She has your eyes!

HP: So you could have found some guy at the bar that had the same eyes as me.

JP: STOP IT!!!!! I can see this isn't going to work. Mom you are going to stay at Ron's and Hermione's house and Dad is going to stay here. Now I am going to tell Hermione what happened and she is going to talk to you mom. I would tell Ron to come for Harry but we all know that he will say something stupid and the whole marriage is down the drain. So I am going to get George to talk to Harry. Tomorrow you guys are going to talk to each other and say sorry or so help me I will be getting my inheritance early.

HP: But…

JP: NO freaking buts! Now get!

'Harry, Ginny, Albus, Lily, and Scorpius all leave the room.'

JP: Finally piece and quiet.


	4. Popping the Question

**I do not own anything.**

* * *

JP: Hey Teddy!

TL: Hey James.

JP: Hey where is the excitement in your writing?!

TL: Why should I have excitement? I am babysitting you a 17 year old boy so his parents can go out to dinner. You are freaking 17 why can't they let you be home alone?

JP: Teddy I will be turning 18 next month!

TL: So you are clearly old enough to babysit yourself and you are old enough to have your own freaking house!

JP: You still live with your grandma!

TL: Yeah but I am looking for a house that Victoire and I can live in.

JP: But you guys are not married yet.

TL: So????

JP: Shouldn't you be married before you share a house? Like what if you and Victoire break up who would get the house? How would you spilt everything you have in the house? What if she kicks you out and changes the lock so you can't get in? Clearly you should be married or at least engaged before you move in together.

TL: You are right. Now I have to propose.

JP: That should not be too hard.

TL: Yeah but what if she says no?

JP: She agreed to move in with you did she not?

TL: Yes…but what is your point?

JP: She agreed to move in with you so she has to either really, really like you or love you either that or she is pretending to even care about you to get your money and all of your belongings. Both choices could be possible.

TL: She could only be with me to take my belongings!

JP: Don't forget money.

TL: Not helping James.

JP: Sorry. But I am pretty sure it is the first option.

TL: Okay I will propose to her. How and I suppose to do it?

JP: Well you get a ring and go down on one knee and ask her 'Will you marry me?'.

TL: I know how to propose I mean where should I do it? Should I be wearing a tuxedo or be in a t-shirt and jean shorts? Should I…

JP: Teddy you are a lost cause. So ask her out for dinner. Take her to that new fancy restaurant in Diagon Alley then after that, take her on a walk at the beach. Then as the sun is setting get on one knee and pop the question.

TL: You are sure that will work?

JP: Defiantly. I have never been wrong. Except for that one time but do not worry they found his body. Of course his head was missing hmm….

TL: Uh….

JP: I am just kidding or am I? Anyway what ring are you going to get her?

TL: Well she likes dolphins…

JP: Great get her a gold dolphin ring with a beautiful ruby in the center.

TL: Why a ruby?

JP: Rubies are red.

TL: Your point?

JP: Rubies are red and the dolphin part is gold.

TL: What are you getting at?

JP: It is Gryffindor color. You know Gryffindor house is red and gold.

TL: Oh now I get it.

JP: Finally and people tell me your smart.

TL: I am and I am not getting her a Gryffindor ring.

JP: Why not?

TL: It is a wedding ring not a Gryffindor ring.

JP: So when I propose to Alice the ring is going to be Gryffindor colors.

TL: Yes and when she leaves you there standing alone you will know why I didn't pick a ring like that.

JP: Alice would not leave me standing there alone.

TL: Keep telling yourself that James. Besides when are you going to propose to her?

JP: I do not know maybe a year from now.

TL: Okay well since I am babysitting you I guess I am going to have to take you ring shopping with me.

JP: Yippee.

TL: That is the spirit James.

JP: I am not really hap— What is the point you are a lost cause.


	5. Code Names and Loss Causes

I do not own anything.

* * *

JP: Hey Uncle George I was just wondering…

LoneTwin2: Thinking about what?

JP: Well I was thinking…wait a minute. What is with the LoneTwin2?

LoneTwin2: Well I am a twin but my other twin is dead so I am a lone twin. And I was born second so that is why there is a 2.

JP: Why didn't you just use GW?

LoneTwin2: Cause that is what your mother uses.

JP: I want a cool name like that.

LoneTwin2: Then make one up.

JP: Okay my new one will be SexyMan.

LoneTwin2: Okay but if your mother asks who gave you the idea for your name I was not part of it.

SexyMan: Yep. So anyway I was wondering why no one in are family is gay.

LoneTwin2: Why are you wondering that?

SexyMan: Well there is like 50 Weasleys or Potters and none of them are gay.

LoneTwin2: Is that a bad thing?

SexyMan: I think Teddy is.

LoneTwin2: First off Teddy is not related to this family.

SexyMan: Actually he is. I forget who but a Black did marry a Weasley and he was disowned for it.

LoneTwin2: That doesn't matter. Anyway Teddy will eventually get married to Victoire.

SexyMan: A great cover up!

TL: I am not gay! And what is up with the code names? LoneTwin2 and Sexyman what is with them?

SexyMan: Well George aka LoneTwin2 could not use GW because that is what my mom uses. And I wanted a cool name too. Scorpius didn't even do that on his list!

TL: Fine but if you guys get code names so do I!

LoneTwin2: Okay what is yours?

TL: WolfySon101.

SexyMan: What is with the 101 part at the end? I get the WolfySon part because you are a son of a wolf sort of but really what is with 101?

LoneTwin2: Yeah I was thinking that too.

WolfySon101: 101 happens to be my lucky number.

SexyMan: Sure. Now I feel like I need to add a number to my code name.

LoneTwin2: Why?

SexyMan: Well you and Teddy have numbers at the end of your code name.

WolfySon101: I like your code name. Although I have to disagree with one thing.

SexyMan: What is that?

WolfySon101: Well you are sexy but I wouldn't call you a man. Your name should be this Sexy3yearoldboy.

SexyMan: That would be to long to write and you think I am sexy? :)

WolfySon101: Wait no I didn't say you were sexy!

LoneTwin2: Yes you did. Do you have a thing for James here? :D

WolfySon101: No! I am in love with Victoire!

SexyMan: Sure.

HP: Hey James…what is with the code…I don't want to know do I?

LoneTwin2: Well I came to chat with James but I could not use my GW because that is Ginny's and she would not be happy. James got jealous and had to have one too. The Teddy felt left out and picked one out.

HP: Oh I see. Well then I get to pick one too. I pick BoyWhoLivedTwice.

WolfySon101: That is so lame. Why don't you use HarryAwesomePotter or even GrimLover.

LoneTwin2: GrimLover? Why would he want that? I did not think he liked the Grim.

WolfySon101: I was talking about Sirius.

LoneTwin2: But he wasn't Sirius lover.

WolfySon101: Fine how about MaraudersSon1.

HP: I like that but what is with the 1?

WolfySon101: Well since you were the first son that anyone in the group had it should be represented as 1.

MaraudersSon1: Cool.

SexyMan: Since that is settled lets get back on the topic.

LoneTwin2: You know this really isn't a hate list. This is more of a chat room on paper.

WolfySon101: Yeah it is.

SexyMan: So? Does it really matter? I am trying to be different!

MarauderSon1: James you are already different. You and Albus are the only kids I have.

SexyMan: Do not tell me you are still on the whole 'Mom met a guy at the bar with green eyes like yours and got impregnated and had Lily.' Lily is your child!

MarauderSon1: You have no proof!

SexyMan: I thought I had George come over and fix this!

LoveTwin2: Fix it, take him to the bar. Same thing really.

SexyMan: All of you are loss causes. At least Teddy proposed to Victoire. He is not a lost cause anymore.

WolfySon101: Actually…

SexyMan: Please tell me that 'Actually…' Does not mean that you did not propose to Victoire?

WolfySon101: Well…

SexyMan: That is it! You are all lost causes!


	6. Planning Spying on Uncle Charlie

I do not own anything.

* * *

SexyMan: Remember in my last chapter how I was going on about how no one in are family is gay?

WolfySon101: You mean when you accused me and said that my soon to be marriage to Victoire is just a cover up then yes I remember.

SexyMan: So have you proposed yet? *Jumping in seat with excitement*

WolfySon101: No…

SexyMan: *pretends to fall off chair* What! You told me, Harry, and George that you were. And you guys wonder why I think you are all loss causes.

Wolfyman101: Yeah and what is with Harry going on about Lily having his eyes. I thought only Albus had them.

SexyMan: Wait a minute your right! I will be right back.

WolfySon101: …

WolfySon101: I should not have said anything.

SexyMan: I am back! And I know why Lily's eyes are green every time we come home from Hogwarts. She wears green contacts.

WolfySon101: I did not think she wore glasses.

SexyMan: I can not believe it! Albus and I have to wear glasses and she gets contacts!

WolfySon101: Anyway what were you asking early?

SexyMan: Well Uncle Charlie is always with dragons and he has never married or had any kids. Do you think he is gay?

VW: He is not.

SexyMan: He isn't and is that you Victoire?

VW: Yeah. He isn't because when Grandma was babysitting me a couple summers ago and he was in town she set up a blind date with another guy because he turned down all the girls she set him up with. Once he answered the door he ran screaming into the kitchen saying he was straight and he did not want to date anyone.

WolfySon101: I think we should find out why that is. Oh and Victoire pick a code name.

VW: Why?

WolfySon101: Just do it.

VW: Fine I pick BadassGirl.

SexyMan: I like it. Oh and I think we should spy on Charlie and figure out why he doesn't want to date anyone.

BadassGirl: I like the idea but he is in Romania and we are in London.

SexyMan: Lets just Flo over to his apartment and hide out there for a while.

WolfySon101: Okay but if we get caught I am so holding you fully responsible James.

SexyMan: Hey you're the babysitter.

BadassGirl: You are seventeen going to eighteen soon why do you need a babysitter?

SexyMan: I am not sure. My parents think the house will be in ruins if I leave. Anyway lets go!

WolfySon101: Shouldn't we leave a note or tell your parents where we are going?

BadassGirl: Oh come no Teddy lets do something spontaneous for once.

WolfySon101: And this is why I should not be responsible for kids at any age.

BadassGirl: I am sure you would do great with two year olds.

WolfySon101: Nope. I babysat James when he was two and let's just say I never babysat him again. Well until well now.

SexyMan: What happened?

WolfySon101: Let's just say that I said some bad things about Ron when you were in the room and you wrote a song. Of course Draco got me safe from punishment.

SexyMan: Sweet.

BadassGirl: What are you guys waiting for? Let's go!


	7. Flooing Over to Charlie's

**I do not own anything!**

**AN: School is finally over for me! *JUMPS FOR JOY* Anyway I should be able to update more often. I wanted to thank everyone who reviewed this story so far. You guys rock! Anyway I have figured out a plot for this story. Oh and Charlie is not going to be gay. There is going to be a suprise with Charlie though. I have it all in my brain. If only I could figure a way to write it on paper. Hmm...Anyway enough of rant. On with the story!**

**P.S. Is it Flooing over to *Insert Place*? I am not sure. Oh well that is what it is going to be in this story.**

* * *

SexyMan: Flooing over to Charlie's! Flooing over to Charlie's!

WolfySon101: Should I be worried?

BadassGirl: Um… maybe.

SexyMan: Flooing over to Charlie's! Flooing over to Charlie's!

BadassGirl: You should definitely be worried.

SexyMan: Come on lets Floo over to Uncle Charlie's house before my parents come home.

WolfySon101: Shouldn't we at least come up with an excuse to where you are? Your parents might think you kidnapped Victoire and me and are now holding us for ransom.

SexyMan: I would never….hmm that actually sounds like a pretty good idea. But no we are busy and have no time for kidnapping. Just tell my parents that you are taking me and Victoire on a trip.

BadassGirl: Say we are going somewhere boring so they do not try to tag along and find out we never went to that place in the first place.

WolfySon101: Okay, okay, alright now does anyone know where Charlie house is called?

SexyMan: You mean saying Uncle Charlie's house won't work?

BadassGirl: James you mean to tell me that you don't even know what Uncle Charlie's house is called?

SexyMan: No…I guess we will just have to go see Grandma.

WolfySon101: Oh yes because that would go really well. 'Hey Grandma! Do you know what Uncle Charlie's house is called? We want to Floo over and find out why he is not dating anyone. Oh and if you would not mention this to our parents, they do not know about this.' Yes I am sure that would go over really well.

BadassGirl: That might not work but….it is worth a try. I will be right back.

SexyMan: I wonder what that was all about.

WolfySon101: Me too. It is probably some devious trick though. Even though she looks sweet she can be really evil sometimes.

SexyMan: So when are you going to do it?

WolfySon101: Do what?

SexyMan: You know do it.

WolfySon101: James we are not going to do 'it' until the time is right and if we already have done 'it' I would not tell you.

SexyMan: Not that it! I mean have you…how do I say this without Victoire getting suspicious.

WolfySon101: You mean that it. Oh…I…uh….I don't know.

SexyMan: Well you might want to hurry. She won't stay here forever.

BadassGirl: Who won't stay here forever?

SexyMan: The Golden Retriever dog that Teddy was thinking of adopting you might not be at the puppy store place.

BadassGirl: You said here.

WolfySon101: Let's face it James will never be able to spell. He meant there.

BadassGirl: Oh…anyway I got Uncle Charlie's house.

SexyMan: What is it called?

BadassGirl: Charlie's House.

SexyMan: I know it is Charlie's house but what is it called so we can Floo over?

BadassGirl: The name we call out when we throw the powder is Charlie's house.

SexyMan: Oh…so if we just went with my plan all along we would have been there an hour sooner?

WolfySon101: Pretty much. Anyway let's go.

BadassGirl: We can not just leave. We need to pack clothes and other items.

WolfySon101: I already packed our stuff. I figured James would get us into a big adventure so I decide to pack ahead. And James already packed since he knew he was going to start this adventure.

BadassGirl: Okay but did you get any of my personal items?

SexyMan: Personal items? What kind of personal items?

BadassGirl: You know the personal items I need once a month.

SexyMan: *Face turns red with embarrassment after figuring out what Victories' personal items are.*

BadassGirl: Oh come on James they are not that embarrassing!

WolfySon101: Well he is a seventeen year old boy. He still has years to mature some more.

BadassGirl: I thought he was supposed to mature within the last two years. You did.

WolfySon101: Yeah but this is James Sirius Potter we are talking about. I doubt he will ever really mature. Anyway I packed those items. I am not completely useless.

BadassGirl: Aw. What would I do without you?

WolfySon101: Die a poor old cat lady.

SexyMan: Nah…I am sure she would find some boy who is hotter then you and marry him and have lots of children.

WolfySon101: *Glares at James*

SexyMan: *Runs to the fireplace and quickly Floos over to Charlie's house.*

WolfySon101: *Runs after James and jumps into the fireplace and Floos over to Charlie's house too.*

BadassGirl: I guess I will bring this parchment.

* * *

**Remember...**

**R **ead the story and

**E **njoy the time you spent reading it!

**V **oldemort might just think to spare your *innocent* life.

**I **do not intend any offense to the *innocent*.

**E **nough of this ranting. Review and you shall leave unharm.

**W **ell you would leave unharm even if you didn't review...hmmm *Puts a thinking face on.*


	8. Dragons are Friends not Food

**A.N. Wow time has passed quickly. I am really sorry for the wait. I spent a couple days at my grandma's and I didn't have a computer and I will admit it I have just been outright lazy. Anyway here is the next chapter. Oh and before I forget I do not own anything. It belongs to *Sniff* J.K. Rowling. *Sniff* Anyway I hope you like the chapter!**

* * *

WolfySon101: Now that we are at Uncle Charlie's house what are we going to do?

SexyMan: Hmmm I haven't figured that part of the plan yet.

BadassGirl: What? We thought you had a plan! We can not just sit here and wait for Uncle Charlie to get home because he will just send us back home.

SexyMan: Yeah and….what was that?

WolfySon101: Oh great he entering the house. Hurry let's get in the closet.

SexyMan: How do you know it is a closet? It could be a room or a bath—

WolfySon101: Just get in there!

*All run into the closet or room thought to be a closet.*

SexyMan: See I told you this wasn't a closet….what kind of room is this?

WolfySon101: I do not know but Uncle Charlie seems to like dragons a lot.

BadassGirl: What gives you that idea?

WolfySon101: Well maybe because this room is full of miniature dragons or the fact that there is a poster that says 'Dragons are Friends not Food.'

SexyMan: That seems familiar. Like that phrase was used in a movie but the animal was different. What was it? Hippos are friends not food…no oh I got it! Monkeys are friends not food. Nah that is not right. What was it?

BadassGirl: It doesn't matter right now.

WolfySon101: Right now we need to figure out what to do. Hey listen to what Uncle Charlie is saying.

BadassGirl: 'Yes I will be over soon…' Do you think he is talking to a girl?

SexyMan: 'Yes Frank I will be over there in ten.' Nah I do not think so.

WolfySon101: It looks like Uncle Charlie is leaving. Wait for the door to close….okay let's get out of this closet…room thingy.

*All leave closet…room thingy.*

SexyMan: Well let's look for clues for anything that could represent a girlfriend or boyfriend.

*All search room for clues.*

BadassGirl: Did you find anything?

SexyMan: No but I did find this really nice looking tie in his closet. It has these cool looking dragons on it that are breathing fire and—

WolfySon101: That is nice James but I found something.

SexyMan: What is it?

WolfySon101: A photograph.

BadassGirl: What is so great about a photograph?

WolfySon101: It has him and a girl in it.

SexyMan: Really let me see!

*James grabs the photo out of Teddy's hands only to slip and send the picture into the fire where it immediately burst into flames.*

SexyMan: Oops…

BadassGirl: Nice going James! Now how are we supposed to know what the girl looks like.

WolfySon101: I did not get that good of a look at the photo. All I did was see the girl in it and ran over to tell you. Now we will never know.

SexyMan: Again oops…

WolfySon101: Yeah you better think oops. Maybe we should just leave before we break or set on fire anything else.

SexyMan: No! We are going to find out why Charlie has never dated anyone!

BadassGirl: Hmm I could stay here a little bit longer. But I have one question.

WolfySon101: What is that princess?

SexyMan: Princess?

WolfySon101: It is my nickname for her!

BadassGirl: Anyway I was just wondering where we were going to sleep.

WolfySon101: Hmm…

*All start to think.*

SexyMan: I got it!

WolfySon101: What do you got? Do you have an idea where we are going to sleep?

SexyMan: Sleep? No I figured out where I heard 'Dragons are friends not food' before. It was 'Fish are friends not food.' from Finding Nemo.

*Teddy hits his forehead with his hand.*

* * *

**So here you have it! **

**Review because I know where you live.**

**Actually I do not know where you live but pretend I do so you feel so scared that you have to review. *Starts evil laughter***


	9. Super Cool Spy Skills

**So i have finally updated! Thanks for all the reviews!**

* * *

WolfySon101: You know what James I think you might have gone bonkers.

SexyMan: But Teddy all the best people are.

BadassGirl: You know that sounds familiar.

SexyMan: Well they say things like it in Alice in Wonderland, the new one.

WolfySon101: They do? Anyway where are we going to sleep?

SexyMan: I do not know and…Is he coming back home now? Hurry let's get into the closet room place!

*All runs and hides in the closet room place.*

BadassGirl: Listen he is saying something. I think it is on the telephone.

*All listens to the conversation.

"Yes I will try and find the photo. I know I saw it recently…..Yes I think it is a great thing to give Teddy….Yes I think he will enjoy it….Andy shut up. Teddy will love it because it will be a photo album of his parents and because it came from you….Yes I know it is a surprise but it is not like Teddy is in the room with me…..Stop shouting at me. I doubt Teddy is listing somewhere in your house….You know what I will call you back if I find it….bye Andy."

Conversation on the phone ends*

SexyMan: Surprise!

WolfySon101: Surprise for what?

SexyMan: Well you just figured out what your birthday present is. So SURPRISE!

BadassGirl: I think James was dropped on his head when he was a baby.

WolfySon101: Me too.

SexyMan: I am sitting right here you know.

BadassGirl: Yes I can tell. Hey what is that smell?

SexyMan: Yeah um….Teddy farted!

WolfySon101: What? I did no such thing! If anyone farted it was you James!

BadassGirl: Well whoever farted it stinks horribly.

WolfySon101: Well….hey do you here that? Charlie is talking to himself.

*All eavesdropping on Charlie…

"I know I had the photo here. It was of me and Tonks at Hogwarts. Ugh were did I put it and wait a minute when did I start a fire?"

All stop eavesdropping.*

BadassGirl: You know talking to yourself is a sign of insanity.

SexyMan: Talking about Charlie I am not sure he has any.

WolfySon101: You guys do realize that the picture we burned was of my mom and Charlie. So we really have no clue if Charlie is with a women…or guy I don't judge.

BadassGirl: Hey James I have a question. Won't Alice get a little upset that you are hanging out with us and not her?

SexyMan: No she and her parents are going on vacation to celebrate her eighteen birthday. Apparently they are going to America.

WolfySon101: Which one?

SexyMan: I think North but I can't be sure.

BadassGirl: That is nice but do you mind telling me what we are going to do? We can not just stay in this closet.

SexyMan: Well we could but right now we should start figuring out what we are going to eat. Do you think Charlie has any food in the kitchen?

BadassGirl: Of course he has food in the kitchen. Who doesn't have food in the kitchen?

SexyMan: You didn't have to be rude. Anyway I will go get food using my super sneaky spying skills.

BadassGirl: Okay…

*James slips out of the room.*

WolfySon101: I have a bad feeling about this.

BadassGirl: Well what is the worse thing that could happen?

WolfySon101: Well he could…

*Teddy stopped writing as he and Victoire hear a big crash coming from behind the door.*

WolfySon101: Oh no he is going to get us caught. I told I had a bad feeling about this.

BadassGirl: Let's just calm down. Maybe if we are quite we will not be found out either.

*Both sits quietly and freeze as the door opens. James comes through the door with both hands full of food.*

SexyMan: I told you I could get us food. Now let's eat.

WolfySon101: But what about the big crash? How come we are not being yelled at by Charlie?

SexyMan: Well Charlie is in the shower and didn't here the big crash. Just eat and let's try and think of something.


	10. Oops?

Sorry for the wait. Here is the next chapter!

* * *

WolfySon101: Hey I thought of something.

SexyMan: What is it?

WolfySon101: I thought of the worse possible way to kill you.

SexyMan: Oh…and how is that?

WolfySon101: First I am going to skin you alive then put you in a boiling pot of water, after you have been in the pot for ten minutes I am going to take you out, tie you to a table and curio you for a good fifteen minutes and then chop you up into pieces with a piece of paper.

SexyMan: That sounds painful…

WolfySon101: Oh it will be.

SexyMan: Teddy that grin is scaring me.

WolfySon101: Oh it should scare you.

SexyMan: Hey where is Victoire?

WolfySon101: I do not know! What have you done to her you evil, annoying, disgusting pest!

BadassGirl: I am right here and I figured out where we are staying.

SexyMan: Where are we staying?

BadassGirl: At a hotel.

WolfySon101: And what hotel is it?

BadassGirl: The one down the street.

SexyMan: What is the hotel down the street called?

BadassGirl: Hotel Down the Street.

WolfySon101: No really what is the hotel called.

BadassGirl: Hotel Down the Street.

SexyMan: Who would name there hotel, Hotel Down the Street?

BadassGirl: Apparently the owner.

SexyMan: You know now that I think of it I kind of like the name.

WolfySon101: So when are we going to the hotel?

BadassGirl: Now.

WolfySon101: Now?

BadassGirl: Yes now. We have to go now or Charlie will catch us.

SexyMan: Alright troops! Lets go.

WolfySon101: Troops?

SexyMan: Let's just go!

*Teddy, Victoire, and James exit room and sneak out the door. They walk down the street till they get to the hotel.*

BadassGirl: I already checked us in a room.

SexyMan: Which room?

BadassGirl: 12.

*The three head over to room 12.*

SexyMan: I call the bed! You two can sleep on the floor!

WolfySon101: James there are two beds.

SexyMan: Alright I and Victoire get the beds and you get the floor.

WolfySon101: Why can't I share a bed with…

SexyMan: Because I do not approve of you two sleeping together before marriage.

WolfySon101: We wouldn't be sleeping together.

SexyMan: Not in that context you idiot. I do not know about Victoire but I never ever want to share a bed with her, no offense, and I definitely do not want to share a bed with you. Why don't you just go order one of those moving beds the cleaning ladies bring in.

WolfySon101: You mean a…

SexyMan: I do not care what it is called! Go get one!

*Teddy leaves.*

SexyMan: Man Teddy can be annoying.

BadassGirl: I know what you mean. You know sometimes I think I should just dump him.

SexyMan: WHOA! WHOA! WHOA! WHOA!

BadassGirl: What?

SexyMan: Don't even think about doing that horrible thing! Teddy loves you!

BadassGirl: If he loves me then why doesn't he ask me to marry him?

SexyMan: Because he is too afraid of rejection!

BadassGirl: What?

SexyMan: Oops…

WolfySon101: Hey guys I ordered a moving— you didn't.

SexyMan: Oops?


	11. Black Suits and Sunglasses

**Dear Readers. HI I am back! I am sorry for the late update and for the short chapter. I lost my computer and just got another one. Again I am so sorry. I know this chapter doesn't make up for it but it is all I can think of for now. Sorry. **

* * *

WolfySon101: Oops? Oops! I am going to kill you!

SexyMan: Teddy I know we have had some tough times but man death is a serious thing.

WolfySon101: I was joking about killing you before but now I am really going to kill you! You have betrayed me for the last time.

SexyMan: AHHHHH!

BadassGirl: You are to afraid to ask me to marry you because you think I am going to reject you?

WolfySon101: Well…yeah. I always thought that you were just dating me until you found someone better then me.

BadassGirl: Oh Teddy there is no one better then you.

SexyMan: You are to afraid to ask me to marry you because you think I am going to reject you?

WolfySon101: Well…yeah. I always thought that you were just dating me until you found someone better then me.

BadassGirl: Oh Teddy there is no one better then you.

SexyMan: Awww…now to interrupt this moment we have to go!

…

SexyMan: Did you here me? We have to go.

…

SexyMan: Will you to stop kissing for one minute! We have to get a move on if we are ever going to figure out what is up with Charlie!

WolfySon101: Sorry Teddy we just got a little carried away.

SexyMan: I can see that. Now before we go I just wanted to let you know that when the actual wedding happens I am the best man. Not anyone else. Now lets go.

WolfySon101: Okay…what are we going to do? We can't just go up to Charlie and ask what is going on and how come you never got a girlfriend.

BadassGirl: Yeah that would just be stupid.

SexyMan: We are not going to go up and ask him that. We are going to stalk him. Now lets' go get black suits and awesome black sunglasses and pretend we are hunting aliens. Oh and let's not forget about flashing periods of peoples life and replacing them with happy memories.

WolfySon101: What?

SexyMan: We are going to get black suits and act like the guys in Men in Black. You know the movie with Will Smith?

WolfySon101: Oh yeah now I remember. Let's go stalk somebody.

BadassGirl: Alright just one problem. Where are we going to get the suits?

SexyMan: The black suit and sunglasses place of course.

BadassGirl: Of course why didn't I think of that?

* * *

**Read and Review!**


	12. Teenage Dream

**The next chapter of the story! IT is so scary you are shaking in your seats. Be afraid be very afraid...**

**Just kidding. **

**I own nothing! Well i do own things like clothes and books and stuff but i do not own Harry POtter or at least last time i checked i didn't...hmmm. What are you staring at? Read the chapter!**

* * *

*All walk back to Charlie's house with there new suits and sunglasses. People stop and stare at them and James flips his hair around—*

WolfySon101: Stop that James.

SexyMan: You are no fun. I helped you propose to Victorie and this is how you repay me.

BadassGirl: You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream!

SexyMan: Are you singing?

WolfySon101: I think she is…scary.

BadassGirl: The way you turn me—what! What do you mean my singing is scary!

WolfySon101: Did I say scary I meant awesome singing.

SexyMan: Yeah what Teddy said just don't start singing again. You wouldn't want the people on the street be all jealous of you now would you?

BadassGirl: I guess not…*giggles*

SexyMan: Did she just giggle?

WolfySon101: I think she did.

SexyMan: Man I did not think that she would be this different when you proposed to her. What happened to the outgoing, crazy, not afraid to get dirty cousin I love?

WolfySon101: I don't know but wherever she is she needs to come back quick. Her replacement is freaking me out.

BadassGirl: You know I have been thinking who cares if Charlie is gay or not. As long as he is in love I think it is fine. *Skips around with joy*

SexyMan: Weird…

BadassGirl: You know we should just go up to Charlie and—

CW: and what?

SexyMan, WolfySon101. BadassGirl: CHARLIE!

SexyMan: What are you doing here? How did you know we were here?

CW: Do you honestly believe that I would leave my house without any spells placed on it? Gosh I knew you were in my house the second you flooed in.

WolfySon101: If you knew we were here why didn't you say anything?

CW: I wanted to see what you were doing here. Oh and I am not gay.

SexyMan: Then how come you don't ever date anybody?

CW: My heart already belongs to somebody.

BadassGirl: Who?

CW: My beloved Tina. Yep she is the best Hungry-Horn Tail Dragon ever.

BadassGirl: Awww that is so sweet! Congratulations!

SexyMan: Teddy…did he just say his heart belong to a dragon.

WolfySon101: Yes….did your parents or grandparents ever mention dropping teddy on the head when he was a baby?

SexyMan: Nope.

WolfySon101: Oh…..NO! She is singing again!

SexyMan: NO!

BadassGirl: You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream the way you turn me on!

CW: Wow I have some weird nieces and nephews.


	13. The End

So this is the ending of this story! It wasn't as long as Scorpius list but i liked it. So thank you all for reading it. I had a fun time writing it. I know the ending is short but it was better then ending it with the chapter before this.

* * *

SexyMan: So now that we know that Charlie is in love with a dragon what are we going to do?

WolfySon101: Well we could all go back home and live happily ever after.

SexyMan: I guess we could. Hmm…it just I want to end this list with a bomb you know.

BadassGirl: Hmm you could always put it in a scrapbook and look at it twenty years from now and remember the good time we all had.

SexyMan: I could or I could sell it on eBay.

WolfySon101: Liking the eBay idea.

BadassGirl: You can't sell it on eBay it has wizarding world stuff on it. You will be arrested for telling muggles about wizards.

SexyMan: Dang she is right. Well I guess we should thank the people for reading this.

WolfySon101: James nobody is reading this except us you idiot.

SexyMan: Oh…well then lets go to Grandma Weasley and tell her about are adventure.

BadassGirl: Then we will put these notes into a scrapbook right?

SexyMan: Sure.

BadassGirl: Yes!


End file.
